I promise, this is the only time I'll do this.

Okay, I get annoyed by my own job just as much as everyone else does, and no, I don't think you give a shit about my work life, nor do I think that it's as funny to you as it is to me. I promise this is the only time I'll bring up work. Unless something hilarious happens. I would like to compare a list of things that are NOT allowed at the office to a list of things that are allowed but SHOULDN'T be. It amuses me to no end.
NOT ALLOWED:
-Having personal effects at one's desk
-Wearing strong deodorant, or perfume/body spray/cologne of any kind. To this point, may I add that we had a THIRTY MINUTE seminar on scents in the workplace, complete with a powerpoint on "what is a scent?". Please use sense and don't use scents!
-flip-flops
-texting
-oranges on the second floor, popcorn on the third

ALLOWED:
-being in your 50's and still thinking it's appropriate to wear a denim Baby Phat miniskirt
-wearing your pajamas, complete with blanket, around the office
-not showering for weeks on end, flaking your filth onto your coworkers, and causing a breeze of garbage/grease/B.O. when you walk by.
-being so obese that you literally look like a walking M&M
-serving cake to the entire office when someone in Prince George gets a promotion/the company website is updated/we reconfigure our TV bundles

I just think it's funny, that's all. I for one am going to be more negatively effected when a woman the age of my grandmother walks around in clothes from fifty pounds ago than I am from flip-flops.

As an aside, I'd like to also note that I discovered a show on TV last night called "Hurl!" where competitive eaters eat a mystery food (last night was chicken pot pie) and the top three eaters are then forced to go into a human gyroscope (those orb things that spin you in all directions) to see if anyone vomits. What. The. Fuck. There was a point in time when Jackass was the stupidest thing on TV. Those days are clearly long gone.