"I tell my daughter that the Oilers logo looks like a piece of poop dropping down." Just some of the words of wisdom heard at the Oilers-Canucks game I attended. If I wanted to be just as awesome and draw absurdly vague conclusions from the logo of rival cities' sports teams, I could point out that the Canucks logo could somehow be deduced to resemble a killer whale sucking it's own dick. But I don't. Luckily the hilarious man responsible for that witticism was soon kicked out for bringing in outside liquor...I wish I had the balls to heckle at sporting events. I don't actually want to heckle, I just want to respond to hecklers by making fun of their personalities/flaws/unrelated afflictions. For example:
To the small boy who kept saying "OILAHS SUCK!" (in that little-boy-with-speech-impedement way): SPEECH THERAPY RULES!
To the smart-ass woman behind us who said "You know it's sad when you have to clap for your team when they stop a goal.": YOU'VE GOT A RATHER LARGE ASS AND COULD USE A NOSE JOB! (possibly followed by PUT DOWN THE HOT DOG, BITCH.)
...not necessarily the wittiest of comebacks but I find it hilarious.
Coming Soon: A Relevant Post That is Even Remotely Entertaining